Oh, hi there, I didn't see you there. what am I doing? Oh, I'm just sitting here reading 50 shades of grey. You want to know what happened in the football today? well I'll tell you.

Atmosphere in the camp was positive after last week's 1-0 win but this was another week and a new oppo. The game was against the Dorks with the picturesque backdrop of Rolling Hills.

The pitch was playable but had bobbles and muddy patches which would prove difficult for controlling the ball not really suitable to Claphams style of play. Alas the game kicked off and COXA started on the front foot. The siege on the nerds goal started. Shot... Saved...shot... Bar....shot...saved. Yikes. Ball looked like it would never go in.

It would for them nerds though, as the big number 2 striker...wait??? What??? Oh yeah, their striker wore number 2, left back wore 9. There were two numbers 3's on the pitch...two number 14's. It was a sham. As was their kit. Some players had black socks.... Some with black shorts...some with green and some with yellow. Disgusting.

Where was I? That's right....goal. 1-0 down. Time to react...

Their keeper was on one today and saved more clapham shots.

Defensively looking solid. The only thing that might cause Clapham trouble was the aforementioned bobble. Something that affected yours truly as a through ball was about to thawcked clear only for it to jump and scuff of the outside of the boot. Thankfully nothing came of it.

The next passage of play was one to savour for COXA. A ball over the top into the left channel for Smiddy Jr (more on him later). A deep cross that dorks had seem to give up on...but was met by the onrushing James to perfectly place it in corner for 1-1.

Just time before half time for the jbmotw. The Jamie Buckerfield moment of the week was won easily by Jamie Buckerfield. And today it was for something brilliant but equally pointless...as that is what you get this award for...

Jamie picks up the ball on the half way line in plenty of space. Cue him to turn back towards his own goal and play a back pass to the clapham (not greenos...we aren't using that) goalkeeper. Yeah, you see it in the premier league....but in amateur Saturday football??? Get out of here. Made it all better when the Gk took the ball and just lumped it clear. Wonderful and pointless.

Second half started much similar to the first. OH WAIT.. Not before a massive controversy when the nerd Gk took a goalkick whilst the ball was still moving. Cue goal machine Alex Turner shouting at the ref - "you cant be about to blow then pull out". I have a dirty mind...you do the rest.

It was purely attack vs defence as Clapham pushed to try and score their second..and try as they might, they couldn't find a way through. That was until about 8minutes to go and a late goal for Harmer to give COXA (not greenos. I dont like it...it sounds silly) a 2-1 lead.

Clapham (NO...not GREENOS) saw out the final few minutes, but not before their striker got booked for a 'tactical foul'. But also there was the Smiddy Jr miss. Which will controversially allow me to create a new award. The Smiddy Jr gaffe of the day. Retrospectively Smiddy Jr has won this award for misses of open goals.

But today was a new level of gaffery. In the 90th plus minute...ball over the top, Smiddy is open...he is free. Does he run the ball into the corner? Does he go for the jugular and slide the ball into a gaping net. No. You run up to the goal, slow down, try to take on the keeper and miss.

Final whistle blows, Jay Jay Bucks comfortably wins motm and COXA find that their late winner meant that they move to the summit of the league. Making their ground out victory all the more important.

That's it. Match report could have been better...but i dont really remember too much as I was a tiny bit hungover. But also...you know...I'm reading that sexy book.

..and you are just annoying me know. FYI...it turns out there are more than 50 shades of grey accorinding to the dulux colour chart. But for me...there's just grey. Books shit. Watch the film...there are real tits in it.

Fcukitybye

MOTM Jamie Buckerfield
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Saturday 20th January 2018

1st XI vs. Old Carthusians 1st XI – LOB Senior Cup
Kick Off: 13:00
HOME at Club Langley, 2 Hawksbrook Lane, Beckenham BR3 3SR
Instructions: All players to meet at the ground at 12:00. Hospitality
afterwards at the ground.
Contact: Matt:

2nd XI vs. Old Meadonians 4th XI
Kick Off: 13:15
HOME at Southfields Academy 3G Pitch, 333 Merton Road, SW18 5JU
Instructions: All players to meet at the ground at 12:15. Hospitality
after at The Earlsfield for Oppo, Ref & COXA players.
Contact: Derek:

3rd XI vs. NO FIXTURE – Spare Week Contact: Stan: & Dom:

4th XI vs. Civil Service 4th XI – AFA Minor Cup
Kick Off: 13:30
AWAY at Kings House School Sports Ground, Riverside Drive, W4 2SH Pitch 4
Instructions: All players to meet at the ground at 12:30. Hospitality
and changing rooms will be in the main building
Contacts: Tommy:

Vets vs. Warlingham Vets
Kick Off: 14:00
AWAY at Warlingham Squash Club, Church Lane, Warlingham CR6 9PR
Instructions: All players to meet at the ground at 13:00.
Contact: Mike: & Steve Gordon: